Discussing Difficult Topics
What blocks people from talking about hard topics?
A key point here is to take a step back from the communication dynamic entirely and remember your foundational relationship to the person you’re speaking to. People are so much more than their diagnosis and often the first step to understanding what may be blocking someone from talking about a hard topic is simply to remember to see them as a whole person.
Try Something Lighter to Start
One good way to approach a difficult conversation is to begin on a lighter note. This may take the form of simply easing into things by commenting on what a beautiful day it is or how they look etc. Underneath all communication strategies are human beings trying to relate and simply be together. Sometimes getting to the main point of the conversation can involve speaking to things that don’t necessarily have anything to do with the main point at all. Remember why you’re having this conversation in the first place. You’re here for the person, not just the data. You are two people who are entwined in some way; start there. Oftentimes this simple gesture leads to a very organic flow in conversation.
What To Do when People Don’t Ask For What They Need
Knowing your audience is of key importance here. It’s important to check in and see what’s possible. If your audience is advanced in age and has clinical diagnoses such as dementia, it may be unfair to try to introduce new skills for communicating.
At your discretion, you may sit down with this person and simply ask if you can talk about communication. Opening up the floor and saying something like, “I know you well, but I also know that sometimes you may need things that aren’t being voiced. I’m worried that I’m going to miss a cue. Can we talk through how to communicate so that we ensure you get what you need, because I would hate for our communication to be ineffective in this way.” Furthermore, if small examples of them not being direct continue to occur, don’t be afraid to call them out gently and remind them about the importance of communicating directly in order to get their needs met.
Lastly, communication is tricky. Sometimes the best thing we can do is simply accept that certain people are not able to change their way of communicating. After some constructive efforts on your end, be realistic about what you can rightfully expect. Sometimes this may come in the form of simply accepting that this is the way the other person communicates and coming to terms with the fact that you are doing the best you can to communicate effectively with them.
Confronting Difficult Emotions Like Anger and Disappointment
It’s important to remember that communication isn’t about being tidy, it’s about being real. We need to be open and real in order to be seen and heard. Feelings like anger, disappointment and frustration are not a problem. There is no need to cover them up, per se, but rather a need to own them and express them in appropriate ways. This can be incredibly helpful for your audience in that it helps them contextualize the conversation as well as not take your difficult feelings personally. If you preface and contextualize the conversation by owning your feelings, however, this makes a huge difference.
Pretending issues like life, death, and illness are not extremely challenging and emotionally demanding issues will not do you any favors. Expressing yourself throughout the process of dealing with these feelings may be the healthiest way you can communicate. Sometimes a theatrical demonstration is, in fact, a way to get yourself heard. Honor your honesty and honor the truth of where you are. This may not lead to a pleasant exchange but being pleasant isn’t always the point. Being heard, I would say, is the point.
