Cultivating a New Relationship With the Deceased

When you talk about grief in terms of metabolizing loss, I’m reminded of a quote from Donald Hall’s memoir about losing his wife Jane Kenyon; he said, “it was long before every cell in my body believed in her death.”

So, magical thinking is a phrase that describes the belief that our own words can influence the external world. For example, I still talk to my dog Vermont, who died almost 18 years ago.

There’s a part of my body that just doesn’t believe it. I also think that the caution from Donald Hall is really bringing awareness to denial. I struggle to accept the loss of people and animals I’ve loved because in many ways, they’re not lost.

In some ways, I still have relationships with them. Grief can take on so many forms, over various lengths of time, when you’re responding to a reality that others can’t see or share.