Being an Advocate and Healthcare Proxy
Try to see yourself not only as a caregiver but also as an advocate. You’re not needed just for people’s physical needs. These days working around and within the healthcare system can be a harsh and un-intuitive experience.
The healthcare system does amazing things, but you must advocate for yourself. Gone are the days when you could hand yourself over to your doctor who knows you well and knows your parents and knows your kids and has the time to think through what you need. Even with really beautiful well-intended physicians, there’s no time or space for that. I don’t mean to suggest the healthcare world or the world in general is malevolent or out to hurt anybody, but it can be thoughtless, and can accidentally hurt someone. Oftentimes what a doctor says is the right thing for that person, yet there also comes a time when a patient’s family needs to say “no” to the healthcare system, or “no thanks” to the next treatment because it might not fit with their goals.
It can be dangerous to presume that your doctor is going to take care of all your needs. It is an active role being a patient and being a caregiver. The word “advocate” is high on the list of your jobs as a caregiver so that you are proactively advocating on behalf of your patient. This requires physical and mental resilience. Psychologically it can be very taxing, but also very rewarding, empowering, and can serve as a loving signal to the person you’re trying to care for.
That’s the spirit of advocacy, and then there is this word “proxy.” Very often it has a more technical meaning such as the durable power of attorney for healthcare. When you’re a caregiver, you’ve been designated to make decisions on behalf of your patient. You’re not only supporting the patient physically but also speaking and making choices on their behalf. This role can be very intensive and it requires putting the other person’s needs before your own. Very often caregiving will lead to that officially designated role of “proxy”, but shy of that formalized role, if a caregiver is being an activist and an advocate and looking out for the patient they already are a proxy.
This involves really thinking about somebody else, not just projecting what you would want onto that person. That’s where a lot of growth happens for caregivers: stepping into someone else’s shoes.
